"anti-violence"? anti what kind of violence?

so i don't even know who reads this, but if you're reading, i really welcome thoughts on this one...seriously...add a comment or drop an email...

today at work, a woman called about classes- not much of a surprise, since registering students for classes is a large part of the work that i do during the day. the difference was, this woman only spoke spanish. i was able to have an initial conversation with her- and i told her a little about our classes and also told her- reluctantly but i wasn't going to mislead her- that we don't currently have any spanish teachers but that we might in the future. that's a big "might." but...i couldn't bring myself to say it without that. i guess that part was misleading. but you know when sometimes you know what you're "supposed" to say and you just can't make your mouth make the words happen? Yea...
Anyway, I asked if I could take her number and call her later- or have someone who spoke better spanish call her later. This was when she said something I didn't understand...I understood some words...words like "abuso domestica"...and that she couldn't give me her phone number. So I could guess. But I didn't really know. After a few minutes of struggling to understand each other we both apologized (though she obviously had nothing to apologize for!) and hung up the phone.
Afterwards, I immediately blamed myself- why did I not know those words? why did i not think to ask her to say the same thing in different words? i could have said that...why did i not think to ask for an email address or another way to contact her or ask her to call back at a specific time...?
Then, after some help from a certain person on gchat (thank you) I realized more and more that while yes, I may have made a mistake, the ultimate mistake wasn't mine- it was my organization's.
And the thing is, it's not the first time this has come up. There was another time a social worker called asking if we had classes in spanish and i heard T (the e.d.) tell the intern (who had picked up the phone) "just tell her no." The woman in my self defense class who only spoke spanish was advised to bring a friend with her who could translate. Seriously. She had to find her own translater if she wanted to take the class. And then this. And this woman's sentence is still haunting me. I didn't even have any resources to give her. T said, "well aren't there resources on the website?" at which point i assumed there were, and figured again, my fault. no. there aren't. T at least supported my idea that we get them together. A, the old
executive director and current progam director didn't even support that. "Well if they're calling here they're probably looking for self defense and there just aren't any resources for that." As I kept pushing the issue, she kept repeating that claim. Like it wasn't a crisis. Like I couldn't hear that specific quality to a woman's voice, that specific energy that comes through the phone lines, like I didn't know what I was talking about. And more importantly, like it didn't matter.
If I hadn't already told them I was going to leave, I think I would have done it then and there. It was very declarative: we teach self defense classes. we are not about healing, we are not about empowering, when it comes down to it it's self defense. IF you can speak english If not, good luck out there in the world. We got the skills, we just don't wanna bother sharing em with you. FUCK. (Am I allowed to write that on a blog or is this thing censored?)
I'm not sure where to go from here. I brought it up immediately...then I went to lunch...came back...there was a heavy awkwardness in the office the rest of the day, especially around A and me. I lost respect for her. I think she knows that. I hope she knows that.
And I know that the anti-violence movement is not exactly known for its anti-racist tendencies...I know this shit is common. But it feels different to experience it firsthand. It feels different to have to be the one to tell someone that the services you offer can't be offered to them because they don't speak english.

I don't know why this moment is ripping me apart- I think it's because I could really feel in that moment my lack of ability to help- and when I placed it in a context, it isn't just me, but something a lot bigger. Something I know happens often. This idea that "violence against women" means violence against white women. That racism is not something we need to deal with because that's not our issue. And then, now, that tendency to put "anti-racist" in our mission statement and not follow up with it. I know, because I saw the document, that we claimed in a request for funding that since 9/11 we have been doing workshops for free for Arab organizations because of the violence those communities faced. NOT TRUE. They did one workshop for one organization years ago...now in 2007, when I was sending out our outreach materials, that organization was no longer even on the list to receive our information. I had to add them. And they called the NEXT DAY to request a workshop. So it's obviously not for lack of interest.

...Anyway the part I want advice on is the first part of this blog....I know it's not articulate as I usually am. Not poetic or pretty at all. I just needed to get this all down and out there...and to figure out what to do. Plus, I'm halfway through a glass of whiskey.

Thanks for reading.